Dear Mister Wilde,

This might sound crazy, but I think my teacher doesn’t like me! I’ve tried everything, but they just won’t give me the time of day. I’m starting to get a bit concerned– how can I fix this problem?

–Hopeless Hannah

Dear Hopeless Hannah,

There are many prevailing theories on why people do and do not like others. None of them apply to teachers, as they are impartial and without judgment. Didn’t you know? Teachers never play favorites, and they never dislike a student.

So, allow me to clarify.

The teacher does not dislike you.

They simply have not noticed you.

The solution is simple then: make the teacher notice you. This task is not difficult at all really, and while each situation is circumstantial, there are general steps you should take. These concern the teacher’s professional and personal life.

In terms of their professional life, you should definitely begin calling them by their first name. Likewise, visit them each period and ask them questions about obscure facts relating to the subject material. Teachers love being asked something they don’t know. Make sure to carve time out of your schedule for them before and after school as well. Offices have unlocked doors for a reason! But most of all, just hover near them. Everybody loves a shadow.

The personal aspect of their life is trickier. The goal is to make an impact without doing anything crazy. Burning your name into their front lawn? Crazy. Tapping on their bedroom window in the morning to make sure they aren’t late to school? Helpful.

Eating food out of their refrigerator? Creepy. Letting yourself in before they get home and cooking dinner? Always appreciated.

Watching them while they sleep? A little off kilter. Tucking your teacher in if the blanket falls off while they’re sleeping?  Fabulous.

As you can see, there is a line that simply cannot be crossed when trying to get your teacher’s attention and love. Assist and be constantly helpful, but don’t be destructive. If the biology teacher needs a snake for a study, then leave them an anaconda in the drawer, not a rattlesnake!

I absolutely guarantee that you will get your teacher’s attention, and any coldness that you feel from them will dissipate immediately.

And a final note: if your teacher seems disturbed at first, don’t stop. They appreciate what you are doing, they are only shocked because so few students actually take the time to reach out and help.

Here to assist, not destroy,

Mister Wilde

DISCLAIMER– The editors of The Paw Print would like to inform our readers that Mister Wilde suffers from a severe case of sass. While it is not infectious, we recommend you keep your distance and take all his advice with several handfuls of salt. You can safely get in touch and ask Mister Wilde for advice through his email or Twitter account linked on his bio.